I am who I am

I am who I am

Thursday, 28 March 2013

Confession to be made, just for you, mummy

I thought mummy doesn't want to reply my SMS because I asked her to do something for me. I used to ask her to help me to do things since I was born  without saying please sincerely, which means I take her for granted, I guess. I was so scared and regret for asking her to help me even though I'm far away from her and I'm supposed to be independent. Waiting for her SMS was like waiting for rain during drought. She did not reply me... I couldn't sleep for almost the whole night, scared that she is angry of me. I couldn't concentrate in lecture the next day. And am so sorry to Evie because I wasn't in good mood, so didn't really talk much. I wanted to call her so badly but am scared...

However, she called me just now and in my mind, I kept saying ,"Oh I think I'm dead meat this time". When I picked up the call, it was my younger brother, William, saying mummy did what I asked her to already and why didn't I reply mummy's SMS. I felt a sudden relief and about to break down. Wanted to break down not because of my lousy mobile phone but because of her. I do not know how to describe my feelings that time but a sudden realization just hit me that moment, knowing that mummy is always there for me, encourage me, giving me the greatest support i ever needed no matter what. Even though she always scolds me and I'm always against her, yet she never let me go and still loves me very very much. I do not know how to thank her for what she had done for me. There have been times in my life in which I've fallen or failed, times at which I've no friends to turn to, times in which I saw my dreams will not come true, but she is the one who has always been there for me. She said that she hated me. Not once, but twice, perhaps thrice. That sentence always pierce my heart to the max no matter how many times I hear it. And every time I recall that sentence it never fails to make me cry like a child. No one can ever hurt me as much as her because she is the most important person to me. She is my life, my soul. I know she doesn't mean it. I know she loves me very very much, more than anyone else could ever love me.

Sincerely thank you for being such a devoted mum and being part of my life. No one can ever replace you in my heart, mummy. You are definitely placed the first, not anyone else. I do not know why only now I come to this realization but seriously, I think this is the first time I strongly feel I can't live without you, mummy. Please please please  stay healthy so that I can see you for 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, 40 years, 50 more years. I want you to see me, having a successful career, having my own family and bringing you to tour around the world. 

I love you very much, mummy. I can't say this like how William is able to say to you but I want you to know that I love you very much. Thank you for being my mother and mum. I may not able to express well, but every single word is really from my heart and I'm crying very badly now without anyone scolding me. Haha... Mummy, I love you... I wish to say a thousand times... Love you, love you, love you...